Some of you may have had a look at my new “challenge” blog this year run211.com. Here is a link to a post just published there: http://run211.com/2014/01/23/im-sore-so-i-must-exist/ . Whilst it is bizarre that it has taken a quote from Jane Fonda to make me realize the good that is being done for my mental state by virtue of undertaking this process of training for a half marathon, the message that leads from said quote has resounded with me since I read it. Now: where are my shoes … it is time for another run!
Tag Archives: mental health
The Procrastination Parallax: don’t be too quick to judge
I am a procrastinator. In fact, if there was an Olympic event in procrastination I would be representing Australia at it. For those who are not procrastinators it is often difficult to understand what it means when one procrastinates and the effect that serial procrastination can have on one’s mental state.
For those seeking a definition of what procrastination is, here it the best I could find:
Procrastination is the practice of carrying out less urgent tasks in preference to more urgent ones, or doing more pleasurable things in place of less pleasurable ones, and thus putting off impending tasks to a later time.
Put a little differently, Piers Steel (an academic in the field) who has reviewed all previous attempts to define procrastination has concluded that it is “to voluntarily delay an intended course of action despite expecting to be worse off for the delay.”
By its very nature procrastination is associated with a number of character traits or disorders including depression, low self-esteem, anxiety as well emotions like guilt and stress.
Given that the academics in the field do not agree on the causes of procrastination, I have no real answers for why I procrastinate. I do know that procrastination is, in effect, the very definition of the old “chicken and egg” maxim. By this I mean, simplistically, I wonder often which came first in my life: the procrastination or the anxiety. I know that some of the tasks that I used to procrastinate about, when left in a worse state as a result of my procrastination, deepened my anxiety and the literature tells me that anxiety is a cause for procrastination.
So why all of this talk about procrastination? The point I wanted to talk about, having set the outline of what is meant by procrastination, is the differing views of what procrastination is depending on whether you are a procrastinator or not. I know from friends and family that I have spoken to that many of them do not really understand what is meant by the term and, further, the effect that being a procrastinator can have on someone. Those friends and family members to whom I have talked have long thought that procrastination has its genesis in laziness and is, really, just a triviality.
In the workplace environment, a procrastinator can oft be seen, if there is no understanding of what is actually going on in the mind of the procrastinator, as being at the poor end of the talent pool or in a performance matrix. No doubt the procrastinator is not performing at an expected level, particularly if they are working in a heavily task orientated environment.
All of this leads me to the parallax of which I speak in the title to this post: there is an obvious difference, in my opinion, in the apparent perception of people of what it means to be a procrastinator depending on whether you are one or not. In this context I would implore those who have noticed a colleague, friend or family member that has a tendency to miss deadlines or to over promise and under deliver to not write off that person as simply unreliable or a bad worker. There may be a deeper reason for those issues that you can not see through the lens from which you are looking at the person and with some assistance the procrastination, and its outcomes, may, over time, have less of an effect on the sufferer.
Emotions: I have a few… not that there is anything wrong with that!
I was privileged to present to a group of young professionals during the week about a multitude of issues including risk management and managing anxiety. At one point I was asked the following question:
“How do you keep the emotion out of your job?”
My reply was:
“Funnily enough, I don’t try to keep the emotion out of my job … the day I don’t get emotional is the day I should quit this job.”
Now, I know that sounds like a corny line, but it actually is what I truly believe in. Since that presentation I have had a thought bubble that has kept popping into my mind: when did it become bad in professional services to be emotional? Expanded further, that thought has become: is there any problem with being emotional?
Everyone is emotional: it is an immutable truth. Some people wear their emotions on their sleeve, whilst others keep their emotions in check, but we all have them. Good or bad, our emotions have a huge measure of control over our moods, our demeanour and how we treat those around us.
Given this expansive hold that emotions have over our lives would we all not be better off if we sought to suppress said emotions? That is an obvious question to ask. It is also, frankly, a stupid question. I know from very real personal experience the effect that suppressing one’s emotions can have on one’s mental health. I thought, back before I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, that the emotions I was feeling were best left suppressed to the point where I tried to be devoid of all emotion. The effect of taking this approach was that some people thought I was a very cold person – and then at times, all of my emotions would explode (often in conjunction with alcohol). My bad emotions manifested themselves in me being, simply to be able to cope internally, prickly externally… ALL the TIME.
It took me a long time to realise was I was doing to myself in suppressing both my good and bad emotions. It also took me a long to realise that there was nothing wrong with being emotional. As young men, my generation had it beaten into them that emotions and showing them were bad; but I can safely say that now I am more in tune with the effect my emotions, both the good and the bad, have on my work and my life, I am certainly a more centred person.
We are all human and we all feel emotion: not showing or feeling those emotions can only have a deleterious effect. So I mean what I said to the young professionals the other day: the day I do not get emotional about my work and more broadly, life, is the day I have to make significant changes.
The alcohol conundrum: to ask or not ask
In the aftermath of World Mental Health Day and, a little longer ago, the RUOK campaign I have had a fairly consistent thought flowing through my brain: what other questions do I wish people had asked me sooner?
There is one such question in my own life that sticks out like a sore thumb: “do you have a problem with alcohol?” As those of you are close to me (and I admit some of you who are not) will know the answer to that question is a resounding “YES”. With that in mind I have been considering whether the focus that is now being put on mental health with campaigns like RUOK? day needs to be broadened to consider other societal problems and also whether dealing with issues with alcohol in a similar vein is one step to far for us as a society at present.
Now before you, as readers, start rolling your eyes and wondering “does this bloke ever get off the pulpit?” please do me the indulgence of reading on just a little longer before you click away from this blog. I am not writing this blog to ask you to stop drinking or to make myself out to be martyr or with some new found evangelical fervour. I write as someone who knows from first hand experience how difficult it is in our society to admit you have a problem and to deal with it and I would like to start a conversation with you, as a reader, about what we can do to help our loved ones, friends and colleagues with making such an admission.
Before we get back to considering the conundrum expressed in the title to this blog, it is important to understand what I mean by the phrase “having a problem with alcohol”. I can only express what I know from personal experience and, whilst I am not proud of any of what follows and this pains me to write, I don’t think I can ask you to be honest with yourselves if I am not honest with you. So here is my experience and problem with alcohol:
- When I drank there was never enough alcohol in a bar to sate me: I would drink everything.
- When I drank, if I stopped at 3 beers I would be ok: if I had a 4th drink again there was never enough alcohol to sate me.
- When I drank, I drank quickly and often alone: even when I was with other people I would find myself buying rounds for only me because my drinking buddies were too slow.
- When I drank, I paid for everyone.
- When I drank, the next day I remembered nothing.
- When I drank, I was doing it to numb the self doubt that crippled me and to have one moment of paused before the black dog started barking again.
Now whether the foregoing conduct make me an alcoholic I don’t know. People who are helping with the journey I am on are divided and I am, in all honestly, not bothered whether that label fits or it does not. What is clear is that I had a problem; and more to the point I had a problem that was costing me money, friends and reputation.
The problem with the “alcohol problem” seems to me in part that some of the conduct that befell me on occasion is conduct that many consider to be normal. Indeed, if one were to look around any bar on a Friday night they would see numerous people in the various states I outlined above. The fact is that we, as a society, are much more accepting of behaviour like the foregoing than we are of people who admit they have a problem and stop. I know from experience that the fact that I could imbibe at a rapid and exhaustive rate and bought drinks for everyone was conduct that was lionised rather than shamed. The badge of “good drinker” is one met with acclamation rather than negativity.
Therein lies the conundrum that rests at the beginning of this blog: in a society where being a “good drinker” is a badge of honour and where not drinking is met with, and I quote from a party I was at Friday night “would you like another glass of milk Nancy” is it just as courageous to ask a loved one, friend or colleague if they have a problem as it is for that person to admit to it?
Much like the RUOK? day message it strikes me that being prepared to ask a loved one, friend or colleague whether they have a problem with alcohol comes with it the responsibility of continuing to ask in the face of being rebuffed. As I alluded to on twitter (@shumpty77) during the RUOK? program it is not enough to just ask once. Much like with my depression and anxiety, I have no doubt that if I had have been asked the question about alcohol I would have declined to answer and probably would have declined to answer quite angrily. Such a response and the ability to of those suffer to mask their pain or conduct means that the person making the enquiry needs to keep asking until they are satisfied that the response received is not simply a mask to put them off from the real underlying issue.
To me: there is no real conundrum as I noted at the start of this blog. My personal view is that we all owe it to each other to look after each other that means asking the question. Unfortunately, whilst the quantum one imbibes is met with a badge of honour, I am not sure that society thinks the same thing. I, for one, hope that attitude changes sooner rather than later.
Postscript: I should point out here that I make no criticism of my family, friends and colleagues who tried to assist me during the darkest periods of my life. The love and support I have received has nothing short of brilliant. In living the way I was living for a long time I became an expert in hiding from everyone what I was going through and even when they did try to help me I was dismissive at best and abusive at worst.
Shumpty Speaks 