Tag Archives: mental health

“How’s the serenity?” … Darryl Kerrigan, you’ve done it again!

April 26, 2014 By in Shumpty Speaks Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

Everyone has a favourite line out of the Australian classic comedy “The Castle”. One of mine (at the top is Denis Denuto and his classic rant about the F Tray) is when the chief protagonist takes his gamily away for the weekend to the family “estate” at Bonnydoon and exclaims “How’s the serenity?” as he sits on the balcony listening to the mosquitos getting zapped.

I love this quote and have repeated it many times in many contexts. Equally, I never really gave much thought to the underlying message in the scene and the quote. That is until now, as I sit here on the balcony of the holiday unit I have rented for the weekend and have been thinking the same thing.

You see Darryl is in the midst of the fight of his life in the movie; a fight to keep his house (the Castle) and whilst he keeps up a good “front” of positivity for his family he is obviously stressed about what is going to happen. Going away and resting his body and mind despite the stress of this battle is what Darryl does when he takes his family to Bonnydoon and he comes back refreshed and ready to fight.

The question “how’s the serenity?” is, to me, the embodiment of why taking time to rest, reflect and re-energise is so important in everyones life. Everyone has stress (show me a person who says they have no stress in their life and I will call him / her a liar) but few of us deal with our stress in a positive or honest way. Hiding one stress or not releasing it only begats more stress in my experience so not giving oneself a moment of serenity now and then can not be a positive.

I firmly believe we all need to have a “how’s the serenity?”, or multiples of them, regularly to help reduce our stress and re-energise our minds and bodies so that we can have more positive experiences both at home and at work. I, for one, desperately needed my “how’s the serenity?” moment this weekend and have committed to myself that I will do this more to improve my stress and my sanity.

Next time you are particularly stressed or under the pump, think about the places you feel the most serene or relaxed and then don’t hesitate: just make plans to go there ASAFP. Trust me: you will feel better, both in mind and in body, for it.

Mental Health and Holidays: When Inactivity is not a Positive

April 21, 2014 By in Shumpty Speaks Tags: , , , Leave a comment

We have just finished another Easter long weekend and have an ANZAC Day weekend looming next weekend. This weekend just gone I had some time to reflect on the time spent on holidays or long weekends and consider what correlation there is between those times of rest and impacts on mental health.

It struck me that often my most negative or down of times occurred when I had nothing to do. Put a different way: having pushed myself hard for weeks and sometimes months on end, down time that came from holidays or long weekend left me anxious that I was not doing anything or that there was something that I had not done that I should have been doing.

Despite having family that loved me and wanted to spend time with me I often eschewed their attentions and spent time either alone in my home worrying or I would go into my office and sit there and procrastinate.

Inactivity at times of rest used to cripple me. I could not be positive about that times, rather I saw them as an imposition on my work. Part of my problem, of course, was that my whole identity was focused on my work and I did not identify anything positive with doing things other than working.

Over time, I have come to embrace times of rest like those given to us by virtue of long weekends and holidays. It has not been without significant effort (I know this all sounds bizarre but you have to remember where I used to be mentally) and making sure I do these things when I have downtime:

1. Organising as many “events” as I can during the down times to ensure that I am still busy but not tempted to fall back into bad habits. Seeing family, hitting golf balls and doing work in the yard are all things I put on my agenda.
2. Doing things that I enjoy always distract me: during periods of downtime I read as much as I can because I enjoy reading.
3. If I can not organise to see them then at least I make time to talk to my family.
4. I sleep as much as possible: working in a high pressure environment often means sleep deprivation can arise so I use down time from holidays to sleep as much as I can possibly do.

Downtime can be difficult and can lead to the return to old and bad habits. Ensuring that I do things that lead to my down time actually being busy helps me avoid those habits and, by extension, negativity and anxiety that comes from those bad habits.

Now I can not wait for the next public holiday / long weekend / holiday I have: these are times to refresh and enjoy rather than procrastinate and regret. I am sad it took me so long to realise that but I intend to make the most of any downtime in the future.

Burning the candle at both ends … The need to take a day off

March 23, 2014 By in Shumpty Speaks Tags: , , , Leave a comment

I am tired, irritated and sense another dark period looming. It is pretty obvious as to why: I have been burning the candle at both ends.

I am not just talking about work here: yes I have been working hard, but when I get home I have still been spending far too much time thinking.

One of my worst traits is that I am a projector. What I mean is: when I have an approaching “moment” in my life, as that “moment” approaches in my mind I project the likely outcome. The problem with this is, of course, I always project the worst outcome which, in turn, leaves me anxious.

By extension: when I am anxious I expend a significant amount of energy worrying about what might be because I have projected the worst possible outcome.

All of this, as I have been going through a significant period of projection, has lead to the realisation in the first sentence of this post: I am tired, I am irritated and next comes the black dog.

I need to give myself a break: it is that simple. By break here I mean a break from thinking about the future and spending time focusing in the now. That is, of course, simple to say and more difficult to do so I am going to try and give myself this break by doing things that make me happy today. Spending time: reading, watching the Simpsons, hitting golf balls and going for a run are all on the agenda. NOT working and trying to not think is also on said agenda.

Here’s hoping tonight I sleep easily and tomorrow I wake up felling fresher and ready to attack the week!

Mental Health: The happiness project

March 9, 2014 By in Shumpty Speaks Tags: , , , 1 Comment

I have written on this blog before about my struggles with mental illness and, principally, depression. Having worked my way through another particularly dark period I have spent some time over the last couple of days pondering both: how can I help myself out of the darkness when it descends and how can I forestall the darkness.

The problem with the latter of those two questions is, as I have written before, I never know when the darkness is going to hit me. So,that realisation firm in my mind I have focused on how can I help myself out of the darkness once it descends.

The short answer is that there is no easy answer. Rather there is a series of strategies that I think have helped me in the past return to equilibrium. They are:

1. Consider what I was doing when I was last happy and think about what has changed. If something has changed: change it back.

2. When I am going through a rough period I tend to over eat. If I am down I have to remember to eat healthily and not give in to the temptation of a large / rubbish meal that will make me feel grand for 30 minutes and then only make me feel worse.

3. I also tend to lock myself off from those who are closest to me when my black dog is barking. That is destructive and unhelpful. I have to force myself to continue to be around my family and friends because they, by their very nature, know me best and always find a way to help.

4. Get angry!!!! One of the things my dad has said to me a lot in the last 3 years (since my diagnosis) is that I have lost my “red mist”. What he means by this is I once was a very angry young man with a very short temper but now I have been so focused on not getting angry about things that I have lost the ability to get angry. Some “red mist” is ok according to the gospel of my father and he is right. I hate that I have this illness and I hate the way that it makes me feel: by extension I have every right to get angry at it! I must do that more!

These steps are, of course, intensely personal to me but if I can help just one person out there who is struggling then writing about them is worth it.

It would be remiss of me not to turn back to the question of how to avoid the darkness descending because I am at a point with my mental illness where anything is worth a try. Picking up on the themes noted above I have decided to try a strategy under the name of the “happiness project”. The “happiness project” will consist of the following:

1. Every day I am going to, when I wake, ask myself what positive steps I am going to take during the day and enter into a contract with myself to complete said steps.

2. Every day I am going to call (not text or other form of message) one of those close to me and talk to them about their day.

3. I am going to allow myself to be angry and I am focus my anger on my mental illness.

4. I am not going to look any further forward than 24 hours ahead of me and I am not going to look back at the past.

5. Every night I am going to read (for 30 minutes before bed) from the books of my adolescence and early adulthood which is the last period of my life when I can recall being consistently happy.

I hope this works: trying costs one nothing!

Mental Health: Give yourself the break you need!

February 8, 2014 By in Shumpty Speaks Tags: , Leave a comment

I wrote last week about the importance of talking about one’s problems and having someone to listen. Whilst that sentiment is far from hyperbole, I confess that despite talking through what was bothering me I was still beset by negativity and doubt this week.

I do not deign to speak for all sufferers of depression / anxiety here but I know myself that I am my own harshest self critic and that the cycle of self assessment and self criticism that I oft put myself through under the aegis of “self improvement” is nothing other than counter to positive mental health.

Analysis of every bad or questionable decision, aged or recent, and feeling bad about said decisions has been the cornerstone of my dark periods for as long as I have been alive to my mental health issues.

Is it too simplistic to suggest that I ought simply seek to cease analysing every question decision? Or every decision for that matter?

This presents the archetype of a chicken and egg scenario doesn’t it: bad decisions begat over thinking and harsh self criticism yet at the same that very same over thinking and harsh self criticism begats more bad decision making.

I think the better solution is one of acceptance rather than analysis. By this I mean there has to come a point where one accepts the outcomes of decisions made or conduct and moves on. Put differently: there has to come a point where one has to give oneself a break from punishing oneself over things that can not be changed.

Do we not as human beings inherently know this? I know the default setting my brain does not allow me to this so I suspect that the answer to that conundrum is a resounding no. That means that i am going to have to make an effort to release myself from my own self assessment and focus on moving forward rather than looking back.

This is a hard thing to do: I hope any of you reading this that similarly struggle with releasing yourself from the negativity you relate to your own conduct can come up with a way of doing so. I know I have not found my way yet but I am working on it.

Mental Health: the importance of talking and having someone to talk to

February 1, 2014 By in Shumpty Speaks Tags: , , , , Leave a comment

It will surprise few that I have had a difficult week mentally. I have written in the past of my frustration at times when I have been unable to tell when a dark period of mental health was coming. Frankly though, one didn’t need to be Nostradamus to see my difficulties this week coming. A combination of a hectic work week, some physical frailty and some important and poignant personal milestones approach left me deep in a dark place.

I am feeling much better about things though as I write this today for a number of reasons. A principal reason among that number is the fact that I was able to speak freely about what has been troubling me. I spoke to my psychologist. I spoke to my best friend. I spoke to my father. I spoke to my sister.

Each of these amazing people in my life have accepted my mental illness for what it is and allow me to talk when I need to and. In fact, they probably do not realise just how much they help me when they listen to me variously rant, plot, procrastinate and self deprecate.

Talking through an issue is a major part of my therapy: I do not know where I would be without it. I have been left to reflect today though on the importance having someone at the other end of the phone / message service / side of the coffee table who is prepared to listen and do so with empathy. I have such people but there are many out there who do not.

I am a lucky one and I realise now more than ever that we as a society must to more to help those who aren’t as lucky as me. I know there are telephone services out there and in patient facilities that can assist but at a base level we all as humans have or should have an obligation to listen to and support our fellow humans when they need it.

I have made this call to arms before and I will make it again: if you have a friend, colleague or acquaintance you believe to be struggling then do something about it. Even if it just offering an ear to listen too taking that step could be the most important thing you ever do.

I will be forever thankful to those I have in my life who are prepared to listen to me. They have made a massive difference to the way I live and the way I deal with my mental impediments daily. I will never be able to thank them enough.

PostScript 1: If you are an advocate of the “tough love” approach and are tempted to tell your friend, colleague or acquaintance to just “toughen up” then I urge you against that approach. It just doesn’t work and will likely make the person you are talking to just feel weaker and more fragile then already do.

PostScript 2: Ian Thorpe admitting himself to a facility for treatment yesterday was big news. I salute him for having the courage to seek help. It is often, I know from bitter experience, the hardest step to take. I wish him well and hope the press will now leave alone to heal.