Stephen Fry on Depression: this statement is 100% correct

I posted a photo to my twitter account yesterday that attached a photo off Stephen Fry with this quote of his:

“If you know someone who is depressed, please resolve never to ask them why.  Depression isn’t a straightforward response to a bad situation; depression just is, like the weather. 

 

Try to understand the blackness, the lethargy, the hopelessness and loneliness they are going through.  Be there for them when they come through the other side.  It’s hard to be a friend to someone who is depressed, but it is one of the kindest, noblest and best things you will ever do.”

Stephen Fry has absolutely nailed this quote.  He is 100% correct.  

Reading made me think about my friends, few though they are, and made me realise that I probably have not, and arguably will never be able to, thank them enough for just being my friends.  I know, at times I can be difficult to be around but my friends, the true ones, have stuck by me on this journey living with depression. 

Simply: thank you for being my friends (you know who you are).  If you know someone who is depressed: please follow Mr Fry’s advice.  I promise you will not regret it! 

Kudos Darius, Kudos: Both for seeking help and speaking up

I have read with interest the Sunday Mail (there are words I never ever thought I would say on this blog or any other forum) article today about Darius Boyd and his battle with depression (link here: http://www.couriermail.com.au/sport/nrl/darius-boyd-reveals-how-he-hit-rock-bottom-his-21-days-in-rehab-and-the-family-demons-he-is-confronting-to-beat-depression/story-fniabnkr-1227025848132 ).  It is a quality article about a long misunderstood rugby league player.

There is one quote that really resonated with me:

“I felt a sense of relief because I just needed to do something. I didn’t want to keep going the way I was going.’’

It is so true that the hardest step to getting diagnosed and treatment for a mental illness is to actually do something about it yourself.  The relief that Boyd speaks of and the realisation that he did not want to keep going the way he was going is something I am sure that many sufferers who have gotten help have felt.  I know I certainly did.

I salute Darius Boyd for having the insight to realise that he needed help, for getting that help and for having the courage to speak out about his condition.

In a week where we have lost the Elvis of our generation in the form of Robin Williams it is important that sufferers realise that they can seek help and they can succeed after diagnosis.  Darius Boyd’s honesty, I hope, will play a small part in that realisation.

Kudos Darius, Kudos!

Vale Robin Williams

I, like many people around the world, am saddened by the passing of Robin Williams earlier today.  Mr William’s death is being reported as an alleged suicide.

Robin Williams was one of the comedians who dominated my viewing during my childhood and continues to this day to make me laugh until my sides hurt.  Mork and Mindy repeats were a staple in the Humphreys household during my childhood and from Good Morning Vietnam through to the Birdcage and many movies in between and since Williams’ supreme talent and ability to make people laugh he put a smile on my face and filled my heart with joy.

As a fan of many stand up comedians and having watched or seen live a number of stand up performances I have never had the privilege of watching a funnier stand up performance (on DVD or live) than that that Mr Williams produced in his Weapons of Mass Destruction tour in 2008.  If you have never seen this performance then stop what you are doing, find it and watch it now.

There will be many statements made about Williams’ best movies: I have a smokey to put in the mix for that discussion.  I rate Mr Williams’ performance in “The Big White” to one of the best performances I have seen by him in what was a very dark comedy.  Again: if you have not seen it check it out.

It has been stated in the formal statements about Williams’ passing that he was suffering from depression at the time of his passing.  I am not a fan of the statement “if something good can come out of his passing, then …” but I will say that Mr Williams’ passing again puts a spotlight on the fact that the insidious disease that is depression can strike anyone at any time.  That spotlight, if a “good” is to come from Mr Williams’ passing it is it, I hope, will help other sufferers step forward and seek assistance.

Goodnight and Goodbye Robin Williams: thank you for making us laugh, smile and, at times, cry.  I hope your pain is now at an end.

Living with Depression and Anxiety: some lessons learned

I have had the privilege of mentoring a group of students at Corinda State High School this year as part of the High Resolves Leadership program.  The group of students I have been working chose Mental Health Awareness as their project focus, specifically community awareness of depression and anxiety.  Yesterday I was honoured to be the guest speaker for their school wide awareness session.  I was asked to speak about my journey dealing with depression and anxiety.  I thought I would share my speech here as well:

Thank you for that introduction and I would like to thank the Grade 10 High Resolves group for inviting me to speak to you all today.   I am honored to speak to you on what is a very important topic and one that I am particularly passionate about.

The ideology of Project SMILE is to enhance your awareness of one of the most significant issues in society today: mental health and, particularly, dealing with stress, anxiety and depression. The reason that this issue is so important is obvious from the statistics that surround the suffering of these conditions.

Here are some of those statistics:

  • One in seven Australians will experience depression in their lifetime.
  • Depression has the third highest burden of all diseases in Australia. Burden of disease refers to the total impact of a disease measured by financial costs, mortality, morbidity and other indicators.
  • Depression is the number one cause of non-fatal disability in Australia.
  • The World Health Organization estimates that depression will be the number one health concern in both the developed and developing nations by 2030.

So I think it would be fair to say that depression, and its related disorder, anxiety are shockingly prevalent in society.

I did not come to speak to you today though to bombard you with statistics. There is a plenty of literature available where you can find out more about the numbers.  What I did come to talk to you about today are the lessons I have learned from my own journey as a man living and working with depression and anxiety.

You see I am one of those one in seven Australians who suffers from depression and anxiety.

 I cannot really remember when my depression and anxiety started.  I guess if I had to nail down a date I would say that my symptoms started in my last year of high school or first year of university.  At around this time I started to display these types of behaviors:

  • Not going out anymore.
  • Withdrawing from close friends.
  • Not doing activities I would ordinarily do.

At the time I was feeling:

  • Irritable
  • Frustrated; and
  • Lacking in confidence.

And I started having sleeping problems as well as started to gain significant weight.

All of these factors, I now know, are indicators or symptoms of depression.

Whilst it is great that I can identify these symptoms now and I know that at the time I knew I was feeling that way I did not know that what I was feeling was either anything unusual nor different to that which everyone was feeling.

Because of that fact, being that I was unaware that was I was feeling might have been indicative of something going on with my health, it was well into my 30s and only some 3 and half years ago that my depression and anxiety disorders were diagnosed and I got treatment. By that point I was displaying, in addition to the behaviors noted earlier, the following behaviors:

  • Not getting things done at work.
  • Withdrawing from my close family as well as my friends.
  • Inability to concentrate.
  • Reliance on alcohol.

By the time I was diagnosed there was not a day go by that I did not have thoughts like these running through my head:

  • “I’m a failure”
  • “Nothing good ever happens to me”
  • “People would be better off without me.”.

I mention all of these this symptoms, feelings and thoughts not because I wish to self-aggrandize. Nor do I wish for or seek sympathy.  My intention in revealing what my symptoms and thoughts during the 15 or so years I was living with my depression and anxiety without being treated is to give some context to the key messages I wanted to get across today.

The first message is this: there is no more important a lesson to learn in the area of dealing with depression and anxiety than to realize how important communication is to the treatment of these disorders.

From the perspective of a sufferer, there is not a day that goes by that I do not wish that I had have communicated what was going on with me much earlier than I did only some three and half years ago. The fact is that I did not have the courage to talk to people about what I was going through.  Not my family, not my friends and not my doctor.

It would also be fair to say that, particularly in the last couple of years before my diagnosis, when I was displaying obvious symptoms of some form of mental illness that I became an expert in deflecting the concerns of others and, indeed, got angry when some of those people closest to me asked me whether I was ok. So much so that those closest to me stopped asking me how I was feeling.  

If you are suffering from the symptoms of the depression and anxiety, I implore you to find a way to communicate how you are feeling. Talk to your family, talk to your friends, talk to your teachers … in fact talk to anyone you feel comfortable talking to and be open and honest about how you are feeling.

Just as importantly, if someone who is close to you is exhibiting the signs of depression and anxiety you have to ask them whether they are ok. And when they rebuff you, which they will inevitably do, you have to keep asking until you are satisfied that you have received an honest answer.  That is your challenge, everyone one of you, to engage with those around you who you suspect might have a problem and help them if you can.  You will be astonished at how thankful that person will be for your help.

Depression and anxiety are significant issues in society. They affect one in seven Australians at some point in their life.  Look around you, consider that statistic and then consider the number of people in this room.  Being aware of and able to communicate with each other about these disorders could very help a number of people in this room at some point.

I am pleased to say that, eventually, I was able to seek help for my conditions and 3 and a half years later I am in a better place than I have been in a very long time. Therein lies my second message that I wanted to impart on you today: depression and anxiety disorders are treatable conditions.  Sufferers of these disorders can and are treated for them whilst leading successful, fulfilling and happy lives.  Of course, in order to get that treatment communication, as I have already discussed, must occur.

I thank you again for the opportunity to speak to you today.

 

Living with anxiety: finding a way to get through the day

I suffer from anxiety: I do not hide from it and I am honest about it.  That does not make it any easier to live with! Of late, I will concede, I have on occasion let my anxiety get the better of me.  I forgot the very simple strategy to dealing with anxiety that I have been using for the last 3 and a half years and was letting my anxiety, for want of a better term, win.

I did not even realise it was happening.  That is a the scariest thing.  After a couple of weeks feeling off I sat back and reflected on what I was doing differently and then discovered that I had not been going through my anxiety minimisation ritual / strategy.  Now that I am back using this ritual I thought I would share it.

So, here is my strategy for dealing with anxiety or an anxious moment:

  1. When you are feeling anxious, assuming you can recognise it, stop what ever it is that you are doing and shut your eyes.
  2. Ask yourself: What is it that is making me anxious?
  3.  Answer that question honestly and fulsomely.
  4. Then, ask yourself this question: Is there anything I can do about whatever is making anxious?
  5. If the answer to that question is yes then, if you can do what you need to do immediately, do it!
  6. If the answer to that question is yes but you can not do something about it immediately you have to allow yourself to let the thing making you anxious “go” until you can do something about it.
  7. If the answer to the question is no you can not do anything about that which is making you anxious then you have to allow yourself to let the thing making you anxious “go” permanently.

This is a simplistic approach I concede but mentally it is a ritual that helps calm me and help force me to think about whatever is making anxious rationally and clearly.

I find this ritual helps me immeasurably.  It may not work for you but it certainly won’t hurt you to try.  Just as importantly for me is making sure that where I have rituals that help calm my anxiety that I use them.  Don’t forget your rituals people: they could be the difference between a good day and a bad one.

20,000 views: thank you but you are all nuts!!!

One of the interesting features of the WordPress site is the excellent statistics it offers about ones blog (s). A while ago I wrote about the importance of not worrying about what anyone thinks and just writing and since that time I have checked this blogs statistics only sporadically. When I checked this morning I was a bit surprised to find that the number of views of the site are now over 20,000.

In short I just wanted to say thank you for reading. I am humbled and more than a bit disbelieving that those of you who are regular readers are interesting in what I have posted here.

What I also wanted to offer some insight into is why I write on this blog: I get asked that question often in different contexts. For me it is simple: when I write I feel better. Writing clears my head and is also an indices that I am in control of my day and mindset and both are not controlling me.

This week, for example, I have not had much time to write and, more particularly, was feeling uninspired. Those facts of course were indicative of having a week where I found myself uncomfortably (metaphorically) stretched and feeling a little flat.

I love what the process of writing does for me personally much more than the words I publish so the fact that you read what I have written (after posting I tend to avoid re-reading) is the best feedback I could ever have about that which I write about.

I would love to say that I am going to write more: the fact is that I am going to have some weeks where I am struggling health or time wise so all I can say is that I will continue to write when I have something to say. I hope in return you get even 1/10th as much as me out of this blog as I do.

Thank you again for reading!